How can I get a DUI.. I guess I'll have to add more details for the idiots..?

I would not worry about it plead not guilty in which you arent guilty of DUI. The prosecutor has to prove that you were behind the wheel! and they cant do that considering you wasnt. So, they will either drop the case due to lack of evidence cause its not like you got pulled over etc, or they will drop the DUI charge and charge you with public intoxication! Hope this helps